It's Friday. Sex?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
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seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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