Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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