Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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