if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
