so let's talk penis.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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