i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
