farters have to be the big spoon...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize