Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
can u get pink eye on your cock?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
