he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
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Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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