u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
