I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
