The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
