If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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