Christians are straight up FREAKS
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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