omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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