I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
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he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
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Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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