i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
