My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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