i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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