I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
