Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
