farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
