dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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