You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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