omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
