o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
