So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
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ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
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I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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