at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
