my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
