I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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