Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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