my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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