I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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