The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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