I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
