tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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