she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
