I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
