We won't sleep together?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
