Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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