Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
