bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
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Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's blow job season.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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