I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
BRING THE BAGELS
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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