The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
