Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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