You smell like a Billy Joel song
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
