I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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