Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
