Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
