My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
