did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
