There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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