Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
