I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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