I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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