yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
