dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
