Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Of course I have a pirate flag
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
