The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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