dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just pee around me
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
