CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
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sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
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Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
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Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away