Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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