My liver just broke up with me...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I got copblocked.
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.