3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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