Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
