Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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