I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
