I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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