don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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