so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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