put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
