OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
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You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
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I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize